falling hard

I love almost everything to do with fall. Apart from the fact it leads to winter, I find fall (and spring) just about perfect.

FALL is a funny word, isn’t it?  When I hunted down the definition of fall on Google, it was a blend of expected and unexpected:

Verb:

  1. move downward, typically rapidly and freely without control, from a higher to a lower level.
  2. (of a person) lose one’s balance and collapse.

Noun:

  1. an act of falling or collapsing; a sudden uncontrollable descent.
  2. a thing that falls or has fallen.

Funnily enough, the number one way we use the word fall, interchangeably with autumn, isn’t listed…

Fall (the season) always invites me to wrap myself in a cozy sweatshirt, and enjoy all things pumpkin while taking in the beautiful display of color as nature prepares for winter.

It also reminds me I need to take stock of my heart again…

  • How prepared am I to fall into His embrace today, in the middle of the circumstances in which I find myself?
  • How often do I fall to my knees, literally and figuratively, in prayer before I act or respond?
  • How ready am I to let go of my view of a situation and watch Him move and reveal His Presence however He decides?
  • How many times do I not seek Him until I am close to collapse, trying to do everything in my own strength?

As I take in the definitions of fall, I realize that I am the only one who can control how I respond to most situations.

am-i-willing-to-fall

Am I willing to fall into Your embrace so You can hold me and battle for me, or will I choose to struggle on my own until I fall weary with unnecessary exhaustion?

Maybe you too can relate.

This past Monday, my son had neuro-surgery to free a nerve behind a disc in his lower back.  We spent a ton of time praying, had peace this was the right decision for him, and were all ready to go when we got to the hospital at 7:30am, supposedly for a 8am surgery.

Our faces all briefly fell at the news that his surgery would be at some point later in the day. That’s all they said. Some point later.

My momma heart took the news pretty hard. In part because I was famished and a bit sleep deprived, in part because of the unknown aspects to the wait. But my son didn’t notice, because…

I chose in that instant to fall into His arms, and ask Him to keep me going through this now unexpectedly off kilter day.

He immediately led me to read a book I had bought quite a while ago but not yet opened as we waited.  A short powerful book which brought me to tears, as God healed a few older wounds from over twenty years earlier.

A book that reminded me to fall before Him in worship does not negate the hard times, pain or wounds I may be experiencing. Rather, it means I choose to focus on who He is instead of who I am.

copy-of-am-i-willing-to-fall

God never ceases to amaze me in His willingness to draw close and fall on all His children, but especially those who fall to their knees in adoration in their wait. 

So as the leaves begin their colorful exchange as they age, and prepare to fall, I am reminded we too need to take stock in whatever season we find ourselves:

Are we ready to fall hard into Your arms & Your love as we let You lead the way, or fight on our own til we fall from exhaustion at day’s end?

draw-me-to-fall-everdeeper-in-love-with-you

I choose to fall to my knees and seek Him first, for I know firsthand how futile the struggle is when I try to control things I really have no control over.

copy-of-copy-of-am-i-willing-to-fall

PS. This is a part one, as I will be sharing more about that book next week, as I continue to unpack the blessing it was in His timing.

PPS. I will be back to blogging at least twice a week as of next week. I have missed writing terribly during my hiatus, and feel it is time to return to a more regular schedule. 🙂

 

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Author:

Just me. Blogger, writer, singer, worshiper, wife, mom, coworker, friend, daughter & child of God with a passionate, grace-soaked, hope-filled, wonder-gazing & great-full heart! Finding hope in His Presence every day because He calls me Beloved!

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