I am sick at heart.
– Hamlet (1.1.10), Francisco to Barnardo, written by William Shakespeare.
I am sick at heart…
I am weary from being unwell,
carrying burdens I wasn’t meant to carry, and the wear & tear of life.
I have reached the point where something has got to give.
I can’t continue on like this.
Like you, I have had it with same old, day in day out.
I not only want more, I need more.
So I drop to my knees and ask God that question burning inside:
“Are You really enough God?”
As I wait for a reply, my racing heart begins to slow as my feelings start to calm down.
And I hear the quiet reply that shoots straight to the heart of the matter:
“I am. Why did you take so long to come to Me?”
A wave of shame washes over me for an instant, before I accept I am the problem in this equation, not God.
He has always been there when I call.
His arms always open wide when I come running.
His heart pouring into mine when I can’t take anymore.
His peace overwhelming my soul when I open my heart and let Him in.
With that brief response, God reminded me I alone can turn the handle and let Him in, or keep Him out.
I am the keeper of the door to my heart.
My physical sickness is nothing compared to the wellness of my heart: which right here, right now, desperately needs a transfusion to keep it going.
Jesus poured out His blood on the cross for us to receive that inner wellness.
For no matter what occurs on the outside, God is more concerned with how I am on the inside.
My heart, your heart- these matter for eternity.
God has come to heal the sick.
Not just the one with obvious deformities or infirmities, but those tormented by the enemy, lost in past dreams gone wrong, broken hearted wanderers seeking Home. All who are sick, inside and out.
I take a deep breath, and let it go.
In that instant of connection, God revealed what truly matters.
I need to draw close to Him, no matter what the distraction trying to turn my head and get my attention my focus.
I need to come as I am, seeking His help and not just His face.
I need to be captivated by who He is and how much He loves me. My faith, my trust will grow as I do, and my hope will remain firmly anchored as I do.
Let Me Captivate you.”
My heart beats again, but this time, not out of fear or misplaced emotions. My heart beats with the pulse of true love. His love.
If you too have moments where you feel sick at heart, don’t allow yourself to block the Hope waiting for you.
Come as you are to His Presence.
He will be, is and will ever be more than enough.